mole hills.

some people say that the first year of marriage is the hardest.  for us, that wasn't the case.  we've been married for over three years, and i would say that the first year with a baby is the hardest.  easily.  don't get me wrong, joe and i have a great relationship and we both absolutely LOVE being parents and get insane amounts of joy from each day with our little guy.  but having a baby adds stress, plain and simple.  on top of the stress that comes from a constant feeling of "what do we do when [fill in the blank]," you're also sleep-deprived, and have less time for yourself and for each other than you once had.  i truly don't know how people who had a rocky relationship before kids make it through when they have a newborn.

communication is key.  joe and i have to relearn that lesson every day, i think.  one of my not-so-great qualities (the other being how i'm too good at everything- ha) is that i tend to "make mountains out of mole hills."  i can't be 100% sure i know what a mole hill is, but it's smaller than a mountain, and that's the point.  anyway, this is especially true in my relationship with my husband.  an exchange of a few snippy comments, to me, is a fight.  a string of a few days with a few "fights," is a rough patch.  sometimes i'll say to joe, "i'm sick of fighting."  his response is typically "we're fighting?"  to be fair, joe and i are on completely opposite ends of the spectrum on this one (and pretty much everything else, if we're being honest).  he would barely call a screaming match a fight.  well, we've never actually had a screaming match.  but if we did, i am certain it would be a minor disagreement in his [rose-colored] eyes.

when i start to think about the things that might not be going perfectly and i start to compare our relationship to the relationships that others [appear to] have, that's when the mountains pop up.  big, scary, daunting mountains.  but it just dawned on me yesterday as i was thinking about our latest "sick of fighting" conversation: these mountains were created out of false and selfish ideas of what relationships should look like.  where it's all about ME.  I'M not getting what I want.  I'm not getting MY needs met.  joe's not doing enough for ME.  i think the mole hills are every day stressors, common conflict, normal tension.  the mountains are I, ME, MINE.  thankfully, i think i've discovered a way to combat the mountains.  and that is, focusing outside of myself and putting joe first.  at our wedding, the pastor said [something to the effect of] "marriage is about giving your spouse the bigger, or even the last, slice of your favorite pie."  when i think about it, all too often, i keep that bigger slice for myself.  i really do love pie, and i really just wish she'd used a different example.  like, giving your spouse the last dill pickle.  i hate pickles.  easy.  done.  but then it wouldn't be hard.  and it wouldn't be about the other person at all.  so, the real solution when i don't think i'm getting what i want or deserve in my marriage is to give what i think i want or deserve to joe.  and i bet the return will be ten-fold.

another recipe. i made salad for dinner. not typically joe's favorite thing (see, already demonstrating my selflessness...), but he seemed to like it! i used a rotisserie chicken so it was super easy and quick. if you want the recipe, here it is: chinese chicken salads with sesame dressing.