crying it out.

night one (friday) went well. for me at least. i woke up, checked my phone and it was 5:30am. i thought, "wow, leave it to bennett to sleep through the night on his own the night we planned to let him cry."

joe was moving around so i whispered, "are you up?"

"yep," he answered.

"ben slept through the night! it's 5:30!"

"no he didn't. i heard him a few times."

I. Didn't. Hear. A. Thing. mommy guilt washed over me as i started interrogating joe about the night. how long did he cry? joe didn't know. like 2 hours or 20 minutes? joe didn't know. was he fussing or actually crying? some of both.

literally worthless.

so, i consider night one a success. kind of?

night two (saturday). not so great. for me. woke up to crying (alternating actual cries with whimpers), checked my phone: 12:38am. i tried to get back to sleep, but just tossed and turned. checked my phone again: 1:11am. still crying alternated with fussing. toss. turn. toss. turn. 1:37am. mostly fussing with a few actual cries. "joe. he has been crying for over an hour."

at this point joe takes nyquil. to be fair, he did catch the cold i had. but still...

finally, 1:44am: silence. joe got up to go to the bathroom. "should I check to see if he fell asleep?" joe asked me.

"no!" (what I wanted to say was, "you need to hold it! if the toilet flushing wakes him up i actually might kill you." but i didn't. at least i don't think so. it was 1:44am, after all.)

i vaguely remember waking up and checking my phone again: 4:11am. i don't remember, however, if ben was making noise or not. that's right, i am super mom.

at 7:53am we (as in bennett and i) were up for the day. and ben doesn't seem to hate me. so that's a success too.

love those sleepy eyes :)

bring it on, night three.