weekend recap.

we had a fabulous weekend. the weather is F.I.N.A.L.L.Y. nice and warm out (apparently not for long, but i'm choosing to not believe that).

seriously?

so bennett and i got out for a every day. the fresh air felt so good, and bennett loves strolling :) joe joined us for a long walk on saturday afternoon, and we met my friend katie on sunday afternoon. i also got to a body pump class at the gym on saturday morning. i've earned 27 weight watchers activity points since last wednesday (90 calories burned = 1 activity point), so i'm feeling great about how much exercise i've been getting.

ready to get our stroll on

my advocare cleanse is getting delivered tonight (according to the fedex tracking), so i was planning to start tomorrow. BUT, we're going to see joe's brother and his family in sioux falls, south dakota this weekend, and i don't really think it's fair or realistic to expect them to cater to my dietary needs on the cleanse. and, as my mom kindly reminded me (like she thinks she knows me or something), i would be disappointed in myself if i didn't do it all the way. so i think i'm going to wait until next monday to start it and just keep doing what i'm doing between now and then. i did go to trader joe's yesterday to get a bunch of cleanse-friendly food (joe will probably move out when he sees that i bought brown rice pasta, sprouted grain bread, and almond milk). that way when we get back on sunday all i'll need to get for the cleanse is the fresh produce.

bennett learned to wave and is [selectively] doing a lot of practicing. naturally, he only waves on his terms and won't do it on command. it's ridiculously cute so i try to get him to do it all the time, much to his dismay. he was flirting and waving at the lady behind us in the checkout at trader joe's yesterday, but wouldn't wave for me all morning. typical. also lately he's been much more willing to try new foods. his favorites are turkey and chicken, and he even likes brussels sprouts. unfortunately he also seems to have quite an affinity for dog food and we have had to set up a barricade so he can't get to george's food and water bowls. george only seems mildly irritated about the obstacle course.

smooches!

joe and i watched les miserables last night. i loved it. obviously the first 40 minutes or so are so depressing and make you start wondering if life is worth living, but the remaining 110 minutes really help turn that around, at least a little. also, it was a bit of a mistake to watch it with joe because he now thinks that it's both appropriate and necessary to "sing-talk" everything. we did have a solid debate about whether or not anne hathaway deserved to win the oscar for best supporting actress for a movie she literally was in for about 15 minutes. i say, yes. joe isn't sold.

no updates on the house situation yet. we decided to hold off on looking at anything in person until we hear for sure whether or not this couple is going to rent our town house. i'd rather not jump the gun and then have it all fall apart. i'm trying to be patient, but just want to know if we're moving in 3 months or not! come on, people! the clock is ticking!

buckle your seat belts.

well, i ordered the supplement i will use for my cleanse. in the words of kevin mcallister, "this is it. don't get scared now." (is home alone not the best movie ever?) i also found a good list of foods considered "clean" so i know what i can eat and what items i can sub for others, like greek yogurt instead of sour cream, unsweetened almond milk instead of half and half in my coffee, etc. wish me luck. guaranteed i will be whining after one day. but it will be good for me.

"no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." -hebrews 12:11

i get that this verse probably wasn't intended to encourage weight loss. but, i think it is saying that exercising self-control and restraint, though difficult at the time, can bring about good in many areas of your life.

on a completely unrelated topic, we had an interesting opportunity potentially arise a few days ago... one of my brother-in-law jake's friends called him and said she has friends who will be moving here to minnesota in a few months for a new job in arden hills and are in for the weekend to look at places to live. knowing we are looking, eventually, to rent our townhouse and get a bigger home, jake told her that she should have them come look at our place. so, they came to check out our house yesterday. they hadn't found anything they liked prior to our place and are looking at one other place today. but then they're going back to portland and not coming back to minnesota until they move here in august. they seemed to really like our place, and seemed interested in moving forward. the monthly rental price they'd be willing to pay is right around what our mortgage + homeowners' association fee is each month. kinda seems like a little divine intervention, but it seems like it came 6 months too soon. we haven't saved quite enough yet for a down payment on a new house. we have to take these sorts of things as they come, i know, and take leaps of faith. i trust that if this is the right step for us, God can, and will, provide. He will have to get creative, i guess!

we spoke with a realtor and are going to start taking a look at some houses. assuming that this couple decides they want to rent our place, we are going to be on a bit of a time crunch if we need to be out by august... a little scary, but exciting too. we may be in for quite a ride here in the next few months.

you are more important than this number.

i am still thinking about trying a cleanse. i have just been plateaued right around the same weight for weeks- up and down, up and down. everything i've read about plateaus says you have to mix things up to break through it, so maybe a cleanse is the ticket? anyone had any experience with a cleanse? i've said this before, but i feel the need to explain myself again. when i'm talking about a cleanse, i'm not meaning like water with cayenne pepper and lemon in it. i more mean eating "clean" (no sugar, no processed foods, etc.) and taking a supplement. most of the ones i've looked into are 7-10 days. theoretically it's supposed to be a "jump start." i don't know. i've been talking about it for weeks and haven't done it yet so i'm clearly not sold, but i'm semi-intrigued. joe has discussed trying a juice fast in the past. however, he was highly disappointed when i informed him that a juice fast consists of drinking fresh vegetable juices and not just having jamba juice smoothies multiple times a day. that was the end of that.

anyway, i do know that even though the scale seems to keep hovering around the same spot, my body is changing. my clothes fit better, i am down several sizes, and even joe keeps telling me he thinks i look "skinny." obviously he is exaggerating, but i will take it :)

why does it seem that the scale is the only measure of success that i really care about, at the end of the day? i know that how i feel and how my clothes fit is what matters, but i place [almost] all of my focus on the number on the scale. it's dumb, i know, but i am not sure how to change it. maybe i need to just throw the scale away. ignorance is bliss, as they say. honestly, though, it seems like that wouldn't really get at the root of the problem. i need to learn to not let that number have so much power over how i feel about myself.

i really don't know why anyone would ever get a hello kitty tattoo on their foot, but whatever.

i'm so thankful that the weather is supposed to be really nice all weekend. like, 70s and sunny nice. so, hopefully bennett and i can get out for a few walks and enjoy the warmth. the exercise will be good for me, and i think the fresh air will be good for both of us! though i do need to find the sunshade for our stroller and put that on. mr. b does NOT like sun in his eyes :) by the way, for anyone who is having a baby anytime soon... i'm obsessed with our stroller. it's the baby jogger city mini gt (yes, it does sound like a car) and it's the best thing ever.

our little buddy is pulling himself up on literally everything now. joe lowered his crib so at least i no longer have to worry [as much] about serious head injuries. also, apparently bennett has a girlfriend at daycare. her name is teagan and she only shares her blankie with bennett. if anyone else touches it, she cries. bennett tackled her yesterday and kissed her face. oh boy.

mmmm... peas are yummy!

bennett thinks drinking out of mama's water bottle is really fun

random musings.

things at work are heating up. i'm now coordinating several upcoming events, like a large training and working lunch. i'm also working on marketing in a number of capacities (facebook, letters, personal contacts,  etc.). yesterday i had a meeting with an exec at medica who said that i'm doing a great job, that i'm extremely organized, and that other clinics should learn from me how to credential their providers. the meeting was with him and two of our directors, so it felt good to get that feedback in front of some of my superiors. so, pretty much, i'm an exemplary employee. who blogs at work. ha.

i saw janice last night. her red and black sports bra looked new (though it did look like a throw-back to the early 90s. i wonder where you can even buy that stuff anymore). her new mantra apparently is "THIS IS NOT A BREAK!" when we're doing squats and lunges. don't worry, janice. i wouldn't dare think you'd give us a break.

the weather is literally killing me softly. with its song. and i think its song is a christmas carol. i promise i won't complain about the heat in the dead of summer this year. last year i had an excuse since i was 8 months pregnant and ginormous and hadn't seen my ankles in weeks. thankfully this year i do not have that excuse (unlike basically ALL my friends right now). so, bring on the heat and humidity.

yep, it's april. happy spring!

fortunately, the snow provided some comic relief when joe let my parents' dog out while wearing my coat, scarf and boots with his gym shorts.

 the show new girl is sooooo good. if you haven't watched it, do yourself a favor and start now. bennett apparently thinks it's really funny too. i was walking around yesterday quoting schmidt by shouting, "ALL DAY!" and ben was laughing harder than i've ever heard him laugh. i always knew we had the same sense of humor.

speaking of bennett, he pulled himself up this weekend for the first time. one step closer to walking! we really need to lower his crib because right now if he stood up in it he would fall out in one second. which, in case you're not a parent and don't know, is not ideal.

he still hasn't had a single tooth come through, but i keep dreaming about his teeth. last night i dreamt that one of his bottom teeth came through and it was long and skinny and weird-looking. and it wouldn't stop growing. it was like pinocchio's nose. creepy. also creepy: when i was pregnant with him i had a dream that bennett was born with all his teeth and he was walking and talking. in the dream i was freaking out and all the doctors were like, "what's your problem? this is totally normal." turns out he's almost ten months old now and hasn't gotten a tooth, walked, or talked. med school, schmed school.

we went to MOA this weekend for a little family outing and had a lot of fun together. turns out macy's at mall of america has a pinkberry in it. OMG i always get pinkberry when i go to new york, but i didn't know they had one here. obviously i introduced joe to it and enjoyed my peanut butter pinkberry with chocolate chips, graham crackers, and banana. soooo good.

this is REALLY mean to say, but i'll say it anyway- despite what the woman in the background of this pic may imply, pinkberry is a healthy, low-cal snack :)

and i got this shirt at old navy for $6.50!

this was the most random post ever. if you read it all, i'm impressed. and a little scared for you.

back at it.

i lost 3.7 lbs this week simply by bucking down and getting back to the basics. i didn't make it to the gym, but [bennett and] i did my jillian michaels 30 day shred dvd several times. i still ate ice cream several nights, but ate a lot more fruits and veggies and focused on drinking lots of water. honestly, more than anything, this week is a good reminder to myself that it isn't rocket science. losing weight is a matter of eating mostly healthy foods, watching portion sizes, and exercising. you can still splurge and eat treats, though! my friend made us this fantastic banana cream pie that i ate on friday night, but i skipped other things throughout the week, like a cookie during a meeting yesterday at work. it's about choices and not indulging every time.

anyway, that's my two cents. i am happy to say i'm back on track and feeling good.

in other news, it has been so nice to have joe back and to know that he doesn't have any work trips coming up for a while. bennett and i do pretty well on our own, but it can be pretty tough to not have joe around to help out or even just be there. joe works so hard and i know that travel is part of the deal, but we miss him a lot when he's gone and love having him home. joe's job is stressful and he puts so much of himself into it. it's all to help set our family up for the future that we want, and this includes me eventually being a stay-at-home mom. long story short, i am thankful for and proud of joe's hard work and like when he doesn't have to travel :)

george is in his happy place when he's snuggling with dad

how can he handle being away from us?

bennett and i both came down with colds over the weekend, which has not been fun. poor little buddy had a fever and just hasn't been himself. luckily (for everyone!), grammy came and stayed with him on monday and dada stayed home with ben yesterday. joe took him to the doctor to get his ears checked (no ear infection!), so he's back at day care today. he seems to be doing much better and is getting back to his happy, smiley self (and sleeping through the night again, which is helping mama get back to her happy, smiley self too ;).

grammy coaxed a smile out of ben on his sick day home with her

self pic at the doctor with dad! love these two!

love him!

nine months.

nine months. three quarters of a year. 274 days. that's how old our baby is. i seriously can't handle it. i really just think he is old enough and can stop growing now. unfortunately it seems he doesn't agree. we had bennett's 9 month well visit on friday, and he is pretty much perfect :) he weighs 19 lbs 17 oz and 28 inches long. he is in the 52nd percentile for weight, 39th percentile for height, and 48th percentile for head circumference.

we are crawling. everywhere. and we are into everything. literally. like george's food. also, his teacher at daycare, shauna, let me know that he is taking every opportunity to explore his surroundings, even launching an escape to the toddler room next door, shawkshank redenption style.

there's his little butt diving into the play gym

over the weekend ben climbed up a stair (i'm sure this will soon become a regular thing), then promptly fell backwards off said stair. falling is our most frequent (though least favorite) activity as of late.

bennett is on only formula now and is doing really well with it. and i love not pumping. win-win. he eats anywhere from 5 to 8 oz, 4 times a day (7:30am, 11:30am, 3:30pm, 6:30pm) and eats some baby food and some finger foods (still no teeth, though, so we have to be careful!). he LOVES peanut butter, yogurt, and cheese. unfortunately right now he does not love solid fruits and veggies (he loves them pureed as baby food though), so we are working on it. i really don't want him to be a picky eater, but i'm trying not to get ahead of myself and stress over it.

ben loves to laugh and thinks mom and dad are both really funny :) i know there will come a day where he will think i am embarrassing instead of funny, so i am embracing it while i can. bennett is obsessed with taking self pictures on my phone and laughs hysterically when he sees himself on the screen.

he is now into kisses, which essentially involves him grabbing my hair and pulling my mouth or chin into his slobbery face. it's my fave.

he also loves working out with mama!

these five lbs dumbbells are tough!

hi jillian!

we are working hard on signing and waving. he flaps his arms up and down when he wants something so we are thinking that is his way of signing "more." close enough, buddy.

our little man is continuing to assert his independence and doesn't like to have anything done for him. this includes diaper changes, which keeps things interesting. we are completely crazy for our babe and love seeing his smiling face each day as he learns and grows (but tell him every day that he's grown enough and he's all done :)

buckling down.

having joe gone makes mornings even harder. i don't have him telling me to get up or his alarm going off in addition to my own. i don't have the flexibility of getting ready slowly and letting joe get ben ready. plus george always tries to talk me into sleeping in. he's so persuasive!

come on, mom! it's so cozy in here!

all that being said, we got off to a pretty late start today. as stressful as that can be, it always makes my day to be greeted by this face each morning!

today is my weigh in day. it wasn't great. so, if we're being honest, i've been half-heartedly working on losing weight for probably about 6 weeks now. i hit that great milestone number and then have been slacking ever since (and haven't seen that number since, either). i haven't been making it a priority to make it to the gym regularly, haven't been disciplined with what or how much i'm eating, and overall have just been off-track. so, that changes today because it's important to me to continue a healthy lifestyle and to accomplish my weight loss and fitness goals.

it kind of feels weird to talk about this on here. i'm a pretty open book on most topics, but for some reason when it comes to weight, self-esteem, and insecurities about my appearance, i'm really uncomfortable sharing. i think it shows too much vulnerability. this has probably been the most personal, intimate struggle i've had throughout my life. i've never (at least not for extended periods of time) felt good about my size. no matter my weight over the past 10+ years i've wanted to weigh less. i look back at certain pictures of myself and think "i looked pretty good," but find it strange that i remember feeling fat and ugly at the time they were taken. i truly don't remember a time since beginning high school when i wasn't on some sort of weight-loss plan (regardless of whether or not i was sticking to it). writing that just now it strikes me how sad that is. it's just not a way to live. i don't want to be constantly dissatisfied with how i look. i don't want to have that be something that i focus so much on that i miss out on more important things.

how do you make healthy eating and exercise (and wanting to lose weight in a healthy way) a priority without it taking over your life? i don't want eating out to be stressful because it's something i really enjoy. i don't want holidays, vacations or other celebrations to be thought of as diet-busters rather than enjoyable events shared with family and friends. but i do want to lose weight. i want to be healthy. i want to feel good in my body. i don't know how to have both. i guess that balance is going to be something i'll have to continue to strive for and work toward.

regardless, i'm buckling down starting today. i'll be working on eating more fruits and vegetables and less sugar and junk, drinking more water, and getting in some sort of exercise most days.

cleaning out my snack drawer at work!

that's better

 and tonight i'm going to see janice. she'll whip me into shape in no time!

south carolina recap.

we spent wednesday through sunday last week in pawley's island, south carolina with my family. we had a great trip- it went by too fast!

we got up wednesday morning at 4am(!) to go to the airport. i wasn't sure how bennett would do waking up so early. but, minus bumping his head on his crib while excitedly trying to get up on his knees to see us (cue silent scream- if you have a baby you know what i'm talking about), he was a champ. he was so smiley and chatted happily all the way to the airport. we made it through security without any hiccups. well, actually, i had a minor, pre-coffee scuffle with the stroller (the *#$%* wheel wouldn't stay unlocked so it wouldn't turn). but overall i'd call it a success, especially once i made it through the starbucks line with my grande skinny vanilla latte in hand.

against our better judgment, we let him crawl around on the nasty airport floor between flights
(hello, antibacterial wipes!)

bennett did better than i could've even hoped on both of the plane rides it took to get us down to myrtle beach. he played, laughed, flirted with some old ladies, ate LOTS of puffs and yogurt melts, and slept on my lap. i couldn't believe he fell asleep; it's been months since he slept in my arms. i loved it.

me looking like a hot mess- 4am and i don't get along

once in myrtle beach, we got our bags and rental car. the idiots who work at u-save, now unaffectionately referred to as u-suck, rental car (i know, i know. next time i'll go with enterprise) wouldn't help us install the car seat ("we can't, you know, in case somethin' happens," said the guy who actually just didn't know how to install it and was too lazy to try), so joe almost had a "liz v. stroller" moment because the spanish directions and "educational" pictures were not exactly clear. after about 30 minutes, we finally had bennett in a secure(?) car seat and were on the road for our 35-40 minute drive to pawley's island.

on the drive we saw a mid-40's woman in her SUV (WITH her 12 year old sitting in the passenger seat, mind you) acting like a complete lunatic, antagonizing a car with 3 rough-looking teens (yep, i'm aware i sound like i'm hundred years old for describing them that way) in it. granted, they were flipping her off and screaming out their windows at her, but she was by far the less mature one in the encounter. she drove up on the side of them screaming and swearing at least twice that we saw, and laid on her horn for a full 30 seconds straight. her poor 12 year old kid is going to need some serious therapy. i should've tossed a family innovations brochure their way.

we hung out at the house for a bit and then went and got wings for dinner. after dinner joe and my dad took bennett home to put him to bed and my mom and i went to the grocery store. on thursday it was cold and rainy, so naturally my mom and i took the opportunity to go shopping all day, while joe, my dad, and bennett had a relaxing boys' day at the house.

i got some new spring clothes and cute jewelry and spent way too much money. don't tell dave ramsey. then we picked ryan and jeanie up from the airport and went back to the house. i made lasagna for dinner for everyone and then after bennett went to bed we played cards. up and down the river is NOT ryan's game :) but we had a lot of fun and laughed a ton.

friday, joe and my dad went golfing. it was still pretty chilly and overcast, but bennett, jeanie and i went for a nice, long walk around the island.

i napped with ben that afternoon and it was glorious. in case you don't already know, i am a huge fan of naps, but haven't had many since bennett was born. this trip, i took one almost every day. success. anyway, that night, joe made his "famous" burgers (seriously, SO good) and we had an up and down the river re-match. ryan did not fair much better the second night!

saturday the boys went deep-sea fishing in the morning and the girls (plus bennett) relaxed.

rocking and singing "wagon wheel" with auntie jeanie

then we met in georgetown for lunch at big tuna. i had a shrimp po' boy, which i normally wouldn't order but you know, when in rome. it was actually really good. ben slept while we walked on the boardwalk and the whole ride home.

we nicknamed him indiana jones- so cute in that hat :)

that afternoon, joe, bennett and i went on a long walk, which was one of my favorite parts of the trip :) that night, we went to the chive blossom cafe for dinner. we had been there last year for lunch and loved it. dinner was even better. they're famous for she-crab soup- YUM!

having a bottle with grammy

papa and bennett

we had our final rounds of up and down the river that night, and ryan did NOT finish last! my dad took that spot :)

sunday was finally really sunny and warm so we went to the beach. i accomplished my goal of getting fried (a goal i have now come to regret setting). the boys played frisbee, jeanie and my mom read, and i supervised bennett to try to stop him from eating his body weight in sand.

the trip home was slightly more stressful than the trip down. it started off rough because we forgot the diaper bag at the house and it was too far to go back and still get on our plane in time. fortunately i had a couple diapers and one small bottle's worth of formula in my purse (but no bottle). despite seriously lacking baby supplies, the plane ride from myrtle beach to charlotte went well. bennett slept most of the ride in joe's lap.

then in charlotte we ran around to all the shops, but none of them had a bottle. i then desperately approached a mom with a baby and asked to buy an extra bottle from her. she graciously gave it to me and wouldn't accept money. so at least bennett was able to drink a few ounces, though it was only half of what he normally has at bedtime. the last plane ride was a little rough. it didn't leave until 10pm and ben was just so overtired (and still kind of hungry) that he couldn't settle down. he'd fall asleep for a few minutes and then wake up disoriented and crying. then repeated that pattern several times. poor guy. but, we survived.

we made it home around 1:30am and then poor joe had to repack his bag and head back to the airport for his 5:30am flight to memphis for a training. despite the rough trip home and the lack of sleep, we had a great trip and loved all the time together.

back to reality!

thankful for my thoughtful coworker bringing me caribou on a sleep-deprived monday morning :)

bennett thinks self-pics are VERY funny :)

sending some love to dad in memphis!