active choices.

weight loss is tough. it's hard to make choices everyday that are healthy despite tons of opportunities to do just the opposite. as much as weight loss is about behaviors (what/how much you eat, exercise) i am learning that the majority of the battle is mental. it's a choice, plain and simple. yes, you need to find a "plan" that works for you, determine the right amount of calories that keeps you full but allows for weight loss, etc. but at the end of the day, it's about choosing to stick to something. deciding that you want to reach your goal more than you want the dessert everyone else is enjoying when you're out of calories for the day. going for that jog or to that class at the gym even when you're tired or getting over a cold. it's about active choices.

so often i've acted like things just "happen" to me... weekends, dinners out, parties, vacations. i've let those things be my reasons for making bad choices but acting like they weren't choices at all. like i was a passive victim of circumstance. in reality, i'm making my choices, good or bad. and i want to feel good about the choices i'm making. i want to see results and reach my goals. that's why, despite calorie tracking and exercise being tough, i keep at it. it doesn't feel as hard to stick to it when i've made up my mind that this is what i want.

it's been helpful that joe is not only supportive of my goals but he has fitness goals of his own. he's challenging me to start jogging because it's something i've always said i couldn't do. i never run. like never. except my mouth. but that unfortunately doesn't burn many calories. joe started training for a 10k and has talked me into doing it with him (what?!?). he encourages me and tells me how proud he is of me and how hard i'm working. although yesterday on our walk/jog a snake jumped up from between slats on a bridge and i thought to myself, "this is why i don't run." seriously.

despite the snake attacks, i'm just going to persevere. i have things to prove to myself.

two.

my best pal is officially two as of a few weeks ago.

wearing dada's "workin" shoes to go do some mowing

i broke down crying on his birthday at one point like the true sap i am. he was singing with his cute little voice in the car and i just started thinking about how fleeting time is. too soon until he's speaking (singing) more clearly and not into little kid songs, dancing with me, and laughing about "who's the stinkiest, mama or dada?" i always call him my little love muffin and when i ask him, "are you my best friend?" he responds, "no, i a fuffin."

bennett is still in a crib and will stay there, as far as i'm concerned, until he's in kindergarten. not really, but while hunter is still waking up in the night i would really rather not rock the boat with bennett's good sleeping if we don't need to. he typically goes to bed around 8:15pm and wakes up somewhere between 7-8am. he then takes a nap from about 1pm until 3:30-4pm (sometimes even later!). see why i don't want to mess with his sleep? although he's woken up crying in the middle of the night for the past couple nights... not sure what that's about but if he keeps doing that then maybe we will do the big boy bed sooner than later. we will see i guess!

joe and i love how polite bennett is and we are continually impressed by his use of "peas" (please), "fank you" (thank you), "bess you" (bless you), "a-cuse me" (excuse me), and "yelcome" (you're welcome). he also comes up with new things he's saying every day that surprise us and make us laugh like "of course," "it's awesome," and the latest "i be back."

watching sparky the seal at como zoo

bennett's favorite things to do are go to the park (he could swing for hours), look for "a-panes"and "ha-ca-coppers," play with bubbles, read books, and play or watch any sport there is. he recently watched toy story and now loves "cowboy" (and yelling "bee-haw!) and "buzz year." also, he's all of a sudden not afraid of water anymore and LOVES going swimming at the Y. it makes me so happy to see him enjoying the pool and not being so fearful.

favorite foods lately include hot dogs, mac n cheese, grapes, cheerios, french fries (fwa-fwies), applesauce (appa-ahhs), and of course ice cream (i-keem).

last but not least i truly think bennett's ultimate favorite thing is his brother hunter. he looooves hunter and gives him hugs and "mooches" all day long. he gets close to his face and says "hunter!" in a high-pitched voice and clicks his tongue at him, just like joe and i do. when he hears hunter fussing when waking up from a nap bennett gets excited and yells "hunter wake!" bennett is quick to tell me hunter needs a nuk when he's crying. it honestly amazes me every day watching bennett love on hunter and i am incredibly thankful for their bond and how much they love each other. hunter always smiles for bennett even when it seems like bennett is suffocating him with hugs and kisses.

this two year old has my heart.

losing the baby weight update.

i started using myfitnesspal to track my calories and prioritizing exercise about five weeks ago. a switch flipped in my head and i just made the commitment to losing weight. i got tired of feeling badly about myself and mentally vowing to "start again tomorrow" to justify stuffing myself full of crap today. too many "last hoorah's" and too few positive steps were just keeping me stuck in a cycle of defeat.

fishy four walk/run in chetek over the fourth

on a walk at the cabin with my workout buddy, hunter

anyway, over the last five weeks i've lost nine pounds. i feel good about that progress and am excited to see my hard work paying off. i'm really trying to keep my calories in check and i'm doing strength training classes at the Y, the 30 day shred dvd, and lots of walking.

i have a long way to go... and the last couple days i have felt myself slipping and struggling a bit more. i need to reign it in and not lose momentum. i know this journey has it's ups and downs so i need to be able to bounce back when i hit an obstacle or challenge. i'm fortunate to have the support of joe and several friends, which makes all the difference.