three months.

umm, where does the time go? seriously. how do i have a three month old already? 

hunter is an absolute joy. he is so smiley, so laid back, so sweet and cuddly. he is pretty predictable. you know how some moms say they know what their baby needs based on their cries? i never had that with bennett. i didn't feel like i always knew what he wanted or needed and i often felt uncertain and unsure. with hunter it's the opposite. i truly feel like we are in-tune. i'm not sure if this is because hunter is different or if it's because i'm a more experienced mom at this point; but whatever it is, it feels good to feel confident more often than not that i know what i'm doing.

hunter is eating every two hours during the day, except for one longer stretch during afternoon nap. he eats about 2-3 oz per feeding (that's a guess based on the occasional bottle he gets- he mostly just nurses). he really only cries when he's hungry and otherwise is just cool as a cucumber. basically, he's baby joe. bennett and i are more feisty and tend to get fired up fairly easily whereas joe and hunter are not often rattled and tend to go with the flow.

hunter's sleep has continued to go well.

we have had a few random nights where he's been up a couple times but for the most part he sleeps from 10pm until sometime between 3:30-5:30ish, then goes back down after he eats for another three hours or so. he loves to be tightly swaddled and loves his paci :)

i've been a little concerned because hunter's head is pretty flat in the back.

i've talked to a relative of one of my friends who is an occupational therapist and prescribes cranial caps (baby helmets). she said his flatness is mild and it is symmetrical so she thinks it can be pretty easily corrected with increased tummy time. it made me feel much better and we have been doing lots of tummy time.

he usually loves it and has rolled from his tummy to his back a bunch of times!  he's just getting so big!

hunter is just my little pumpkin and i love smooching his chubby cheeks and when he smiles and coos. oh, and he and joe are getting along much better these days! it's so sweet to watch them together! bennett is still semi-obsessed with hunter and now hunter is smiling back at him, which he loves. we are so blessed!

"i bops"

we are just a couple weeks from bennett's second birthday. i can hardly believe it (and not only because we have been battling the terrible twos for months already) and i would sincerely appreciate a life "pause" button right about now. he is totally a little boy now but thankfully i still get glimpses of my baby boy in there too. gosh i love that kid.

(wearing mama's "guy-yes")

honestly as much as i hate how fast time goes, i really enjoy where we are at. every stage so far has had it's own set of challenges (some more than others) but has also been so much fun. my favorite part of almost-two is bennett's ever-increasing communication. he seriously makes me laugh every single day with something new he says. he calls himself "bops" and will tell anyone who asks, "i bops." just this weekend he started saying things are "so awesome." he tells joe he's "sinky" (stinky) and tells joe to "shhhh" when he sings. he says he needs a "mooch" (smooch) when he gets owies and then tells me he's "all bay-yer" (all better) after the kiss. he will say "mama" over and over again until i finally say "what, bennett?" then he says "umm... so..." and then comes up with something completely random like "big truck!" he just talks constantly, even when he has nothing to say. we are working on "excuse me" when adults are talking and it's so cute to hear him say "cue me, mama." love those little manners, especially when joe is holding him while he's crying and he sadly says, "mama peas." melts my heart. he's become quite the little mama's boy and i love it :)

bennett also has a crazy-good memory and loves to recount things he's done and seen. he likes talking about time spent at my mom and dad's house on the lake: "big deer" and "baby deer," "foh-wee-er" (four wheeler), ducks, boat, golf, "fwo wocks" with papa and "fwo tenn-as ball" to "pah-yo" (throw tennis ball to apollo, ryan and jeanie's dog).

he also loves talking about his friends: beau, tripp, baby cash, baby jack, micah (kee-kah), emma, landon (nan-nan), baby gray, and more.

he tells me at least once a day about watching dada and uncle jakey playing tennis at the park and seeing a turtle walking in the grass going to find his mama.

singing is something that has really taken off for bennett in the last month. listening to him sing "winkle winkle li-lla sharr" gets me every time. other favorite songs include the "toy-al" (turtle) song we learned at music class, the entire soundtrack from frozen, and wheels on the bus. he also loves to do the packer chant and yell "go pack go!" we can't wait to watch packer games with him this fall- he's going to love it.

i love that bennett is really able to communicate with us and love hearing what goes on in that little head of his. while "no" and "no don't" (no i don't) are becoming fast favorites of his, i can say that's the one serious downside to early toddler speech. but i'll take it if it means i get to hear "uhh you, mama" (love you, mama) every day.

cheater.

alright, i cheated. i weighed myself. i know what you're thinking... but really i just did it so i could know whether or not the calorie amount i'm shooting for each day is right or if i needed to make an adjustment. i haven't used myfitnesspal to lose weight while breastfeeding before and i kind of had to guess how many calories to add to my daily goal to account for it. most things i read said that you need 500 additional calories daily to accommodate for full-time breastfeeding. my calorie goal was set to lose one pound a week and to that i added an additional 300 calories for breastfeeding. i figured it might take a bit of work to find the number that would produce weight loss without hurting my milk supply.

all that to say i didn't want to wait until the end of the month to weigh myself and see that the calorie number needed to be adjusted. but it looks like we are in business: i lost two pounds since monday and haven't noticed a difference in my supply. i have been trying to make good food choices, exercising most days, and not eating back all my calories burned through exercise (though have dipped into them a bit for treats). i'm feeling good and like i'm on the right track. now i just have to keep it up :)

i'm enjoying getting back to the gym and taking classes. body pump is my favorite. i also really like getting out on walks with the boys in the stroller, especially with joe or other friends.

it's nice to actually enjoy being active rather than feeling like it's such a chore. i also have been eating treats but really watching my portions. i find that if i have a craving for something it's best to just eat a small portion of it and be done with it, rather than trying to eat something healthier instead. if i just fulfill the craving and don't deprive myself it keeps me on track whereas if i try to avoid it then i can't seem to control my portions when i finally give in. all things in moderation. that's truly the mentality i want to live by.

effort and results.

ok so weight loss just doesn't seem to be happening for me. i'm putting in a solid effort- tracking my calories in myfitnesspal, walking nearly every day, and even got in a couple classes at the gym this past week. but still, nada. it truly is hard to stay motivated when the number on the scale doesn't reflect the work i'm putting in. i was feeling really good about how the weekend went and was excited to see a lower number on the scale this morning. but i hopped on, saw the exact same weight as last week, and instantly felt defeated.

stupid scale.

i know that the number doesn't change the fact that i got some good exercise in this weekend and did a pretty good job of watching what i ate, but seeing that number stay the same manages to make me feel like i failed. i need to break up with the scale. maybe putting it out here will help keep me accountable. i'm going to keep tracking my food and exercise on myfitnesspal and i'm not going to weigh in again until the end of the month.

three weeks will hopefully reflect my effort overall rather than the daily fluctuations. if the scale hasn't budged by then i will reevaluate my daily calorie goal and make adjustments. sometimes it's just trial and error to find the right balance: eat back calories burned through exercise or not? too many calories or not enough? 

weight loss is tough. i get easily discouraged and have a hard time keeping my emotions out of it. I have to remember i just had a baby (it feels like a long time ago but it hasn't even been 3 months yet). it took ten months to put on the weight and it's not going to come off instantly. plus i'm breastfeeding. for some people that makes the weight just fall right off but apparently that's not how my body works. i can sulk and whine about it and stuff my face with baked goods, or i can keep at it. giving up isn't going to get me the results i want, so i'm just going to persevere. it has to pay off eventually, right?

thank goodness these faces are worth every extra pound.

the donut probably doesn't help... ;)

boat coat.

ok, so i debated whether or not i would write a post about this, mainly because it is yet another example of my missteps as a parent. but hey, if nothing else this blog is intended to be a real documentation of our lives and i think it's important to include the good, the bad and the ugly. plus i think i lost all my pride as a mom when i locked bennett in the car. (remember that?) so anyway, here goes...

we spent memorial day weekend at the lake with my family. we drove up late friday afternoon, arriving in time to meet my dad for a late dinner. he took the pontoon to the restaurant and we just drove straight there when we got into town. it was already past when bennett normally eats dinner, so when we heard it would be over an hour before we would even get a table, we decided to call around to see if we could get a table somewhere else sooner. another restaurant could get us in right away, so we decided to head over there. joe drove the car, and my dad, me and the boys went on the boat.

we arrived at the restaurant's boat dock and i got bennett and myself off the boat onto the dock to help my dad get it tied up. as i was trying to hold the boat steady and keep bennett by me, bennett reached for the door of the boat, which then swung open, causing bennett to lose his balance and fall into the lake between the boat and the dock. he didn't have a life jacket on- it was back at the house, to which we hadn't yet been. obviously i panicked, dropping to my knees on the dock and reaching in the water to feel for him. my dad was yelling "where is he? where is he?" i couldn't see him, but thank God i felt his leg, grabbed hold of him and pulled him out. he coughed for a second and in a scared little voice said "mama!" and hugged me. i lost it at that point and was shaking and crying. fortunately i think bennett was more scared by my reaction than by the actual fall in the lake. he kept saying "it ok, mama!"

i honestly wasn't really able to shake my anxiety the rest of the night. i kept having thoughts of what could've happened running through my mind. what if he had gotten stuck under the boat or the dock? what if he had hit his head when he fell in? what if i wouldn't have felt his leg when i reached in for him? my dad reminded me to try to think about what did happen, rather than what might've happened. he also said the water was only three feet deep there and he was about to jump in as i got bennett out. he said he was always going to be ok.

God was watching over us for sure and i'm so thankful for his protection. if nothing else, this experience can serve as an extremely scary reminder to us that we need to always, always have the boys in life jackets when we are on or near the water. it's easy to get too comfortable with the lake since we spend so much time there, but we need to be sure we don't let that happen. bennett was apparently completely unphased by the whole experience and had a blast on the boat the rest of the weekend. and he is well aware that we always wear our "boat coat," as he calls it.