taking the emotions out of the weight loss equation.

with weight watchers you're really only supposed to weigh yourself once a week. but i'm not that patient. plus i like to see how things are going throughout the week as a check that i'm on track. well i snuck a peek today and it felt so good to see the number that i saw. anyone who works at losing weight knows that when you're trying to get below a certain milestone number, it can feel like an insurmountable goal. well, i did it. i'm a little too shy to put my actual weight on here, but i will say i'm really happy with my progress. i am proud of the fact that i've been committed and diligent about my efforts to lose weight and that i'm seeing that hard work pay off.

i've struggled with my weight most of my life. i really don't recall many times when i was completely content with my weight and appearance and when i wasn't on some sort of [half-hearted or otherwise] weight loss venture. truly since bennett was born i think i've turned a corner in more ways than one. i seem to be focused less on my dissatisfaction with my appearance. i don't have the time or energy to obsess about that now. i am focusing more on feeling good, rather than looking good (though i won't say that's not a welcome benefit). and maybe that's why i'm sticking with it this time around. i'm focusing on how i feel, not on what i see in the mirror or the number i see on the scale. and i feel really good. i don't know what changed or how my focus shifted, but i'm going with it.

being a mom forces me to look outside of myself. i spend more time and energy worrying about bennett than i do worrying about myself. and i'm thankful for that. the less i think about how unhappy i am with how i look, what i weigh, etc. the more i focus simply on the basics of losing weight- what should i pack for lunch today? when can i work out this week? what healthy foods should i buy at the grocery store? when i take the emotions out of the equation and work, matter-of-fact-ly (yes, it's a word. actually it's probably not, but whatevs), on making good, healthy choices, the more weight i lose and the better i feel.

i don't think anyone can *teach* you how to take the emotions out of it. the times i've successfully lost weight are the times when i've been completely focused on something else. so i guess that's my answer. i need to continue to spend my emotional energy on anything and anyone besides myself and my dissatisfaction with my weight. don't get me wrong, focusing on myself isn't a bad thing. but i need to focus on myself in a positive, practical way (i.e. thinking about how i can take care of myself well vs. thinking about what a failure i am or comparing myself to other people).

i still have a ways to go, but for the first time in a long time i feel like i will get there.