Friday, March 1, 2013

going through the motions.

i feel like i keep posting about priorities, balance, etc. but I think it's because i just can't seem to find it.  here's a typical day in our lives:

5:30am: (most mornings) ben starts talking to himself in his crib
6:10am: my alarm goes off
6:15am: my second (real) alarm goes off and i get up
6:20am: pumping (does it get more exciting than this?!)
6:40am: joe goes to get ben dressed, i get myself dressed (all by myself, like a big girl)
6:55am: pack up the car, get bennett in the carseat
7am: drive to daycare
7:30am: drop bennett off for the day
7:35am: morning brueggers stop for coffee (seriously the most crucial part of my morning)
8am: arrive at work
11:30am: lunch/pumping again
3:30pm: pumping AGAIN
4pm: leave work
4:30pm: either pick up bennett from daycare or go to the gym if joe can get ben
5:15pm: feed bennett
6pm: dinner
6:20-7ish: play with bennett, give him a bath, etc.
7pm: feed ben again
7:15pm: bennett's bedtime
7:15-9:30ish: tv, pumping (no joke), shower, clean up a little around the house, get a few things ready for the AM, etc.
9:30ish: bedtime


if you read that whole thing, bless you.  i'm exhausted just reading our daily routine.  no wonder i'm actually exhausted in real life.  it's really hard to find balance amidst all the *stuff*.  i'd love to have the time to actually accomplish all the home stuff that i barely have time for.  laundry doesn't happen until we're out of socks and underwear.  seriously.  but right now, staying home with bennett isn't an option financially.  we are paying some things off and saving for a down payment for a new house.  that's important, too.  but day-to-day, it feels like a lot falls through the cracks.  sometimes, even joe's and my relationship.  (mine and joe's relationship?  me and joe's relationship?  HOW DO YOU SAY THAT RIGHT?!) by the time we get bennett to bed for the night, we're both so tired that some nights it seems like we barely talk.

k, that sounds bad.

our marriage is fine.  better than fine, actually.  but we do have to have occasional chats where it's like, "ok let's refocus on what's important."  it can be difficult to not [regularly] have the time, money, sitters, etc. to just go to a movie or go out to eat just the two of us.  i mean, we do on occasion, but it seems like it has to be planned well in advance for it to really work.  and i guess lack of "dating" can make for a strain on a relationship.  sometimes it just feels like going through the motions and getting through from day to day, week to week.

i'm thankful for a husband who recognizes when things are distant and reaches out to fix it.  i got a sweet message from him the other day after a particularly "off" week.  here's a little bit of it...

" promise to focus on us. i promise to show ben how a husband should treat his wife. i promise that we are going to be teaching married couples about successful marriages in 30 years. i PROMISE that i will always love you and you will always be my #1."

i got a good one, right?

always so happy in the morning

good morning!

dancing with grammy at dinner

crashed in the car after a long day

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