last day.

well, friends, my last day of work is tomorrow. i am not sure it will really sink in until after the holidays, though. we will be busy and have time with family for at least a week or so before i really have a chance to realize i'm not going back to the office. it's like when you graduate college and it doesn't totally set in that you're done until school starts again in the fall but you don't.

joe brought me an edible arrangement to the office as a "retirement" gift :)

as excited as i am to be done working and to get to focus the bulk of my energy on being a mom and wife, i must admit i am nervous, too. i mean, with the exception of my 8 weeks of maternity leave, i have been a [nearly] full time working mom. as inefficient as i have often felt, i know how to be a mom who works full time. i know how to manage life around my 8-4 monday through thursday work schedule. i know how to binge-clean and marathon laundry loads on the weekends. i don't know how to be a stay-at-home-mom. i don't know how to do a little everyday to keep things clean and organized. i don't know how to balance the responsibilities of household chores and entertaining a toddler day-to-day. i don't know how to be intentional about taking "me-time."

bennett has been in full time daycare for nearly all his life as well, so this will be a major adjustment for him too. he's used to being around other kids all day. i'm convinced that's a major reason why he's such a social kid. how can i be sure he is getting his social needs (which i would imagine are higher now based on what he's used to) met?

i know that the biggest thing, for both of us, will be to find ways to get connected with people and activities outside the house. bennett and i have gone to a friday ECFE music class through our school district, and we are going to continue that through the winter and spring (although i am sure we will miss a few when baby boy makes his debut in late-march). bennett's daycare group has gone to story time at our local library each monday morning that ben has loved, so we will continue attending that. i am on a wait list to join BSF (bible study fellowship) at a church nearby and will hopefully start that soon. BSF has a fantastic kids program for bennett to be involved in while i have my bible study group.  i plan to eventually join a MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group, though that may wait until next fall. finally, i hope to make it to the Y more regularly since i can go during the day, and bennett will be able to play with other kiddos there during my workout time. it's not perfect, and we will have to see how that all feels once we get into the routine, but i think those activities will keep us busy enough and help us connect with other moms and kids in the area.

besides developing a sense of community and connectedness, a big piece will be to give myself the time and freedom to figure it out, rather than expecting myself to be super-SAHM right away (or ever, for that matter!). i tend to struggle with perfectionism and beat myself up when i can't meet my own unrealistic expectations. i want to fully embrace this new role and not immediately become disheartened that i don't measure up to whatever picture i have in my head of how this should go. not only is this uncharted territory for me, but i'm also pregnant and nearing my 3rd trimester. my energy levels just aren't where they would be otherwise. that's not an excuse- it's a fact. giving myself grace is a struggle that spans most areas of my life, and this is likely to be yet another example. i trust that God will be by my side in this journey, giving me the energy, patience, wisdom, and peace i'll need just when i need it.

i am ready to take on both the joys and the challenges of being a SAHM and i feel so blessed that my long-standing dream to do so has become a reality. after all, who wouldn't want more time with this sweet face?

loving bath time these days