for me, the baby blues played out as anxiety. everything completely overwhelmed me, primarily thoughts about how i could possibly be a good mom to two kids and how i would ever handle them both on my own when joe went back to work. i felt like every time i tended to one of them, the other was getting short-changed. while joe was home, he was able to entertain bennett while i fed hunter. i kept panicking about what i would do when i was nursing hunter and bennett needed me or wanted me to play. the thought of saying no to him or asking him to wait constantly made me feel so guilty. i know this is all normal, but the thoughts were all-consuming and reduced me to tears for major parts of the day for several days. i felt afraid and incapable. i'm sure sleep deprivation only intensified these feelings and made me more fragile.
fortunately i have a great support system in my husband, family and friends. joe often didn't know what to say when i was crying, but did his best to comfort me, teling me everything would be ok and encouraging me in my abilities as a mom. i was open with friends when they asked how i was doing and many of them began praying for me and checking in to see how i was doing or how they could help. my mom was available to chat when i called crying and encouraged me to call my OB, which i did. my OB was extremely understanding, reassured me that what i was feeling was normal, and offered me some medication to help me in moments of high anxiety. i only took the medication two times and it helped. mostly i think was comforting to know i had it in case i needed it.
my baby blues passed within about a week, thank goodness. not that i don't have some of the same thoughts, but i am not overcome with anxiety anymore. i am truly enjoying being a mom to my two boys and doing my best to give myself grace if bennett watches more tv than usual or the house is a mess or i stay in my pj's until noon.