Thursday, April 10, 2014

baby blues.

let me just say: the baby blues are real. i had them with both my boys and it was an extremely unsettling experience both times.

for me, the baby blues played out as anxiety. everything completely overwhelmed me, primarily thoughts about how i could possibly be a good mom to two kids and how i would ever handle them both on my own when joe went back to work. i felt like every time i tended to one of them, the other was getting short-changed. while joe was home, he was able to entertain bennett while i fed hunter. i kept panicking about what i would do when i was nursing hunter and bennett needed me or wanted me to play. the thought of saying no to him or asking him to wait constantly made me feel so guilty. i know this is all normal, but the thoughts were all-consuming and reduced me to tears for major parts of the day for several days. i felt afraid and incapable. i'm sure sleep deprivation only intensified these feelings and made me more fragile.

fortunately i have a great support system in my husband, family and friends. joe often didn't know what to say when i was crying, but did his best to comfort me, teling me everything would be ok and encouraging me in my abilities as a mom. i was open with friends when they asked how i was doing and many of them began praying for me and checking in to see how i was doing or how they could help. my mom was available to chat when i called crying and encouraged me to call my OB, which i did. my OB was extremely understanding, reassured me that what i was feeling was normal, and offered me some medication to help me in moments of high anxiety. i only took the medication two times and it helped. mostly i think was comforting to know i had it in case i needed it.

my baby blues passed within about a week, thank goodness. not that i don't have some of the same thoughts, but i am not overcome with anxiety anymore. i am truly enjoying being a mom to my two boys and doing my best to give myself grace if bennett watches more tv than usual or the house is a mess or i stay in my pj's until noon.

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