the first part of this pregnancy absolutely flew by. the last trimester, though, has really dragged on.
it's been frigid and snowy in minnesota for the last three months, so we've been stuck inside, really making the days feel especially long. we are starting to get a small glimpse of a warm up and are anticipating warmer weather like never before.
i've tried to be as patient as i can in these last couple of weeks, soaking up my last moments as a mom to just one. but i truly haven't done a great job of finding joy in the waiting. i've been irritable and restless (as joe would most certainly attest). there's just so little that is fun about the end of pregnancy, and so much to look forward to when the baby is born. (i mean, i am well aware that with a new baby comes a lot of challenges, but we will cross that bridge
if we ever when we get there.)
|loves wearing daddy's hat and "hands"|
with a busy toddler on my hands, the thought of being able to walk to the park or play in the backyard sounds like heaven. bennett has watched far more tv than i like recently thanks to a very pregnant mom and these freezing cold temperatures. (fellow moms, please tell me i'm not alone, and that i'm not permanently damaging bennett's brain with all the screen time...) i have tried to find some sort of indoor place to go play at least once a week or so, but i am quickly running out of ideas!
i'm looking forward to being up in the night for a purpose other than to pee and tossing and turning trying to get comfortable again. i'm looking forward to being more active/mobile. as i alluded to, i feel like i've been a really crappy mom to bennett many days lately because i just don't have the energy to keep up with him. his new insistent phrase "'mon, mama! huwwy, huwwy!" (come on, mama! hurry, hurry!) is probably a giveaway of my lack of energy and mobility. i know i'll be tired with a newborn but i think getting around will be physically easier and that will make it less challenging (and hopefully more enjoyable) to actually play with ben.
i'm looking forward to being productive during bennett's nap time rather than taking a nap everyday myself. there will be nap days for me after the baby comes, to be sure, but hopefully i'll be able to make use of that time more days than not. which leads into another thing i'm looking forward to- finding a better rhythm to keeping the house in order. i did a great job of this at first when i started staying home, but the further along i got in my pregnancy, the less control i've had over the chaos of dishes, laundry, toys, etc. i'm ready to feel like i can stay on top of it again.
two "false alarms" have not made waiting any easier. i didn't actually go in to the hospital either time, but for sure started thinking "this is it" both times. but, sure enough, contractions stopped and pregnancy continued. at this point i'm dilated to 3cm and praying (pleading, really) baby comes soon. i have an appointment scheduled for monday and will be induced tuesday or wednesday if he hasn't come on his own by then. 5 days or less... 5 days or less...
i have been reading over these verses today and they have given me a lot of comfort that God's timing is better than my own:
"take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. commit everything you do to the Lord. trust him, and he will help you. he will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act." -psalm 37:4-7
i'm doing my best to be still and wait patiently for God. well, actually i'm trying to do a lot of walking, but he will let the being still part slide this time, right?