chaos and frustration.

so, our townhouse (and our new house, for that matter) has turned into a complete disaster area. it's a MESS. anyone who knows me knows that i'm not exactly the cleanest person on the planet, so when i am bothered by the state our house is in, that's saying something. i mean, i get that we're moving and that things are going to be a little chaotic, but this is bad. like, i don't know where to start-, or where the floor went-, or where my child is (just kidding)-bad.

and the new house isn't much better. granted, it hardly has a thing in it, but there is dust EVERYWHERE from paneling and cabinets being sanded like crazy. plus, the bathrooms need some work. they're not that bad, but when it's not your "dirt," something feels grosser about it. we had the carpets cleaned yesterday, so at least we can have ben walking/crawling on the floors without worrying about what he's putting his face on (because, let's face it, he's a new walker; he face-plants on a regular basis).

baby jail! checking out the railings at the new house

enjoying the hammock in the back yard with mama

on top of feeling like our house(s) are in complete disarray, i feel like i'm not being a very good mom. everything is hectic, which makes me feel frazzled and out of control, which makes me impatient and easily frustrated. throw in a sick and teething baby who is extra needy and it makes for one crabby mama. i have felt terrible for bennett, knowing that he's not feeling well and is struggling while his teeth all try to come in at once. i get frustrated with myself that there's nothing i can do to help him and frustrated with him that he's crying all the time and that i can't get anything done. then i feel guilty for feeling frustrated with him. it's a vicious cycle. and over the last week or so, i know i've been more focused on getting things done like packing, painting, and running errands and haven't made it enough of a priority to just sit down and play with bennett or bring him to the park. last night on the way home from yet another target run, i hadn't planned on it, but i turned into the neighborhood park and got ben out to play. we didn't stay long, but it felt good to just do something fun with him and not think about all the things i have to do.

SO big! dinner at panera

 i know this isn't the picture perfect mom image that i'd love to project, but it's the truth. being a mom is hard. working [almost] full-time is hard. moving is hard. this is just a season of life and i know that we'll soon be settled into our new house and things will slow back down. just have to find the time...