unraveling.

i think my pregnancy hormones have hit an all-time high. the waterworks seem to start at the drop of a hat and won't stop. i have little patience to spare and it unravels quickly. anxiety comes on strongly and irrationally, difficult to talk down.

last week i cried during the episode of parenthood (normal), then started crying again 20 minutes later about the episode and how unfair and cold joel was being toward julia (not normal).

the brush part and the handle of our broom were separated when i went to sweep the floor on sunday. after two failed attempts at putting them back together i screamed out loud, threw the handle, and proceeded to sweep the floors with the brush part only on my hands and knees. 32 weeks pregnant. i was home alone, so no help was available (but also no one to scare by my outburst, so that's a plus).

joe left for a business trip to memphis this morning. i cried last night anticipating 3 days and nights by myself. and i cried again this morning. all morning. joe, ben and i went to brueggers quick to grab bagels and a coffee for me before he had to leave for the airport. i dropped my coffee in the snow and burst into tears.

ben and i went to the library for a while this morning. naturally he didn't want to put on his coat to leave the library and i practically had to wrestle him to the ground to get it on him. nothing like making a scene in the quiet library to make you feel like an epic failure of a mom. then my car got stuck in my snowy driveway. and there it sits.

it's been rough. i don't mean to complain, but i also have to be honest. some days (weeks) are like that. fortunately God is willing to meet us where we're at.

"rejoice in the Lord always. i will say it again: rejoice! let your gentleness be evident to all. the Lord is near. do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. and the God of peace will be with you." -Philippians 4:4-9

 i'm praying for peace and patience today. and a looooong nap out of bennett.

playing with snow (making "soup") this morning.

packed and ready to join dad in memphis.