a nuk-less existence.

life without the nuk has been pretty rough on mr. bennett, which means it's been rough on all of us. to be fair, it's actually gone somewhat better than i anticipated, but i expected the worst...

night one he immediately began crying when we put him in his crib and he didn't get a nuk. he cried hard for about 35 minutes and then fell asleep. about 15-20 minutes later he woke up and cried for another half hour or so and then fell asleep again. joe and i slept downstairs on the couch and didn't hear him again until 8am. all things considered, not too bad.

nap one bennett again began crying immediately when he wasn't given a nuk when he got in his crib. he cried for 10-15 minutes and then fell asleep. we thought we were golden. 20 minutes later he woke up and then proceeded to cry for the next hour and a half before joe got him up (I was at a prenatal yoga class during this, thank goodness).

night two came with quite a few less tears. ben cried for about 10 minutes and then fell asleep. victory. unfortunately he woke up at about 6:30 screaming... he had his binkies (blankets) when i went in to check, but he wouldn't calm down. joe went in his room at about 7 and held him and rocked him for about 40 minutes. he slept for most of that time. then bennett went back in his crib and fussed a bit and then i went and got him just before 8. all in all, we can't complain too much.

i am feeling really guilty. he's so sad and we have the one thing that will make it all better but won't let him have it. it feels so mean. he's been using a nuk to help him sleep for his whole life and now it's just gone. i'm sure he's so confused. at the same time, i know this had to be done sometime. i can't imagine it would be easier 6 months down the road, especially when he has a new brother and a new room downstairs that he's adjusting to.

i am also anxious about the length of time it may take for him to adjust to no nuk living. i don't know how many hours of tear-filled nap attempts i'll be able to manage on my own this week. those 3 hour naps are my sacred time during the day, and are the key to him being well-rested and happy. i am [semi-irrationally, i know] afraid he won't take long naps ever again.

bottom line is that transitions are hard for everyone involved. at this point all we can do is hope that we are past the worst of it and that things will only improve from here. i guess only time will tell!